That's Just What He Does

I used to expect nothing from him,

And That just wouldn't do.

Reassurances were given,

grace was extended when it took a while.

Slowly I came to accept; 

this is real, he cares.

Until it wasn't and I wasn't even told why,

I blamed myself.

Maybe if I were better,

perhaps if I would have just made a different choice, forsaw more.

I fought and battled with myself,

Made myself believe I was battling for him.

I was in agony and no one could save me,

And he didn't care.

Slowly I was taught to obey by only giving approval when I met the standard,

forgiveness coming grudgingly.

Felt the sweet relief running through myself that it wasn't over,

I wasn't being abandoned after all.